Just some thoughts

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Sex was always something I found so predominate in my life.  It’s not only sharing the most intimate part of your body but your most emotional self. Which was one of the many reasons why I never got into escorting. Sure I had the opportunity, every dancer comes across this option at least once in their life. In fact two of my best friends became escorts and never once did I ever judge their choices. But for me, giving my complete self to someone meant so much more. I make strong connections when Im physical with someone so why was dancing any different you must be thinking. Well, at first dancing was always about the art to me. The art of the female body in motion. It was always about instilling, fun and lust in the audience and quite frankly it was as close as I could get to being a show girl. I was always confident with my body growing up so I never minded being on display. I liked to grab the attention of everyone in the room and some days when I felt good and I was wearing a knock out piece of lingerie I felt it. For a long time I actually felt more confident talking to a man when I was half naked. I would lean over, pushing my boobs together as much as I could and make my eyes big, trying to look into the person that he was. I loved dancing at first. It was entertaining, I made some crazy friends who made the job even more exciting, traveled and learned ever more about myself on a sexual basis. I enjoyed watching the girls on stage, I enjoyed their shows and learned more moves for my own show. I took it seriously at first, like maybe I could even be the best at what I did and become a feature. That was every dancers dream, to be paid just to show up. Of course I never ended up being one even though I imagined I could be the feature of rock n roll. I’ve seen girls stick lighted matches in their nipples and pull their legs behind their heads and rock like a rocking chair (even though this did nothing for me and I found it honestly quite trashy) and hell I’ve even seen a girl shoot darts out of her pussy to shoot balloons. Instead I liked the girls who could do insane moves on the pole. Moves I was envious of and only dreamed I was flexible enough to dare try. Or the girls who were classic and brought out that old ass carpet (don’t judge me). It was some of the craziest days of my life, truthfully but would I ever go back? This is the question I find myself pondering sometimes. I don’t even know how to answer that but I know I would try to leave a part of myself as I am now behind before going back. Not because I look down upon the profession because it will always hold a certain place in my heart only for the fact  it’s just not who I am anymore. And I’m okay with that.

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Most people’s first threesomes are fun, exciting and erotic….however mine was everything but.
While working at the Dirty Saloon, I met a redheaded dancer named *Destiny. It was her bold and confident attitude instead of her sex appeal that caught my attention.
One night after we had started to get to know each other, she pulled me aside and informed me that her ex, who she still occasionally hooked up with, was interested in having a threesome and wanted to know if I was down. In fact he was there and was sitting across from us at one of the high tables, watching.

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I turned my back a little and told Destiny I was only interested in her. She was fine with that so instead she and I left together after our shift to go to her place. It was a shabby tiny motel room in a sketchy part of downtown. She was only staying there “until her new place was ready.”
When we got in, I was already half-cut, I lay down on one of the two beds, trying to ignore the disaster state of her place. She did a line of coke in the bathroom and already knowing I didn’t touch the stuff, she didn’t bother offering me one. She came back into the room and ran her long, acrylic nails down my arm. She said she wanted to eat my pussy in the shower.
She pushed me against the wall under the nozzle and fingered me. It was completely exhilarating. I rubbed her clit in circular motions while I kissed her. She told me to be rougher, wanting me to pull her hair as hard as I could.
This wasn’t my first intimate encounter with another women, but this time, it felt different. It was clear that she really desired me.
Something about women I find so sensual, in a different way than men. Our skin is soft and our bodies move with a type of sexual grace; the curves and scent is intoxicating.

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With our hair sopping wet, she brought me back to the bed. She asked if she could call her ex anyway because, “She really wanted to add a dick to the mix but that I didn’t need to do anything with him if I didn’t want to”. So with that I said what the hell.
I have a rule of thumb that I’ll never break; I won’t touch a friends man no matter how badly she wants a threesome. I’ve refused every time. It changes the way she will see the friendship even if she says it won’t.
So when Jake* arrived, he wasted no time, hardly even said hello to Destiny and quickly played with her pussy before getting undressed.
Jake stared at me. He still gave me the creeps.
He fumbled with the zipper of his jeans as Destiny went down on me.While he fucked her from behind Jake lean over her and touched my legs, the entire time his eyes never leaving me. It had been a year by then that I had been stripping, used to people looking at my naked body but for some strange reason, I had never felt so exposed and vulnerable as I did then. I knew I should have probably said no from the start involving him but I wanted to please Destiny.

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It seemed to last only minutes. Afterwards, Destiny’s face looked completely irritated and I felt so uncomfortable. That’s when I thought to my disappointment that maybe threesomes just weren’t my thing…
When he left, I crawled into the other bed announcing I was too drunk, wanting to end the night. She told me she was going to call up a customer to make some extra cash. I tried to fall asleep before her john got there, but it was too soon when the guy appeared at the door and I grimaced while I listened to her suck his dick. I slid my head under the pillow trying to block out the sounds.
After he finished and left, I heard her on the phone again calling a third guy, a DJ from the club to come over. Trying as hard as I could to discreetly hold the pillow over my head and face the other way, I heard hem fuck in the bed beside me.
Destiny kept pursuing me after that night but truthfully I had no idea what the hell had just happened…. I practically ran to the clinic.
When she asked me to be her girlfriend I told her I wasn’t ready for a relationship which in truth I wasn’t. I was still struggling to land on my feet and my next moves were uncertain and adding someone to my mess would have been terrible for them.
Gradually she stopped talking to me and when I saw her in a different club a few years later, she completely acted as if she had never even seen me before.

Sex Confessions

So I have decided to add articles about sex confessions.  It’s going to be about expressing ourselves on a sexual basis with stories of my own sexual encounters. Let me know what you think, no limits.

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The first time I had my pussy eaten I wasn’t expecting it to feel like THAT. It wasn’t that it didn’t feel good, I was just taken aback by how good it did. It was with a redheaded dancer named *Destiny who had years experience on me. She had developed a crush and ended up magically appearing everywhere I was. Destiny had years in the club under her belt and a lingering ex husband who always gave me the creeps.

Something about me caught her eye and vise versa. Maybe it was because I was untainted by the industry, a breath of fresh air as opposed to the hard lifestyle she lived. So after that night she went down on me, I was hooked. Some of the best orgasms of my life have been from just 2 minutes of my lovers tongue. I didn’t need to focus, it was actually better when I didn’t. When I trained my mind to just let go and ignore being self-conscious I couldn’t believe how much I liked it. Needless to say I didn’t end up being shy to ask for it. .

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My first boyfriend absolutely refused to eat me out. I just sort of “accepted it” without even asking because I had no idea what I was missing ( I later learned I was missing a lot). It was only a few years later when we kind of reconnected that I asked what was the reason he didn’t do it. His response, “oh I tried a few times but it doesn’t do anything for me”. I’m pretty convinced the man has never done it once in his life but I understand it was just his own preference. HOWEVER he wouldn’t hesitate to try and stick his dick in your mouth.

It was a newsflash for me, I don’t think I could ever go without it again. Was I asking too much? Now in my life oral sex is so important to me, I find it so sexy to give it and receive it. It just ended up being so intimate and vital to me because I find it such a vulnerable way of connecting with someone. not to mention the fact that I could cum in less than 5 minutes was a bonus.

I don’t know about the girls who read my blog but how important is oral sex to you? And guys? do you like giving it?

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I am am a butterfly
Only that I don’t fly
I undergo metamorphosis
Under constant change and transformation
I grow day in day out
I was an egg
Then a boy,
Crawling like a caterpillar
I turned a butterfly
And beautified with lines
And phrases of poetry
I am a butterfly that can’t fly.
Change inevitable butterfly

-written by: Kirui Frank Junior

 

 

Kristin

Her name was Kristin and she wasn’t your typical kind of stripper in the beginning.

A rough looking brunette with a good-paying job, she lived in a nice apartment and seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. But through all of her “perfect life”, something was always missing. Maybe it was her taste for the rough and tough image, she longed to be cool or maybe it was just the fact she wanted to feel like she belonged somewhere.

Like me.

So it wasn’t surprising that we gravitated towards each other.

I met kristin in the dumpiest of dive bars. She showed me the ropes so to speak; taught me the stage and Introduced me to new people, even if some of these people weren’t exactly the right sort of crowd to run with. I didn’t realize it at first until I started to watch her come undone.

First, it was her job that she no longer felt the need to show up for, then it was the rent money she used to pay for blow instead. Soon she was homeless and was a full time stripper at the dirty buck.

I saw it before anyone else did but in a way I felt powerless to do anything. I finally had an ally in the seedy sex industry and i didn’t want to lose that, not to mention, i was a mess myself. And when it came to kristin, no one told her no.

But then she started to drag me into her downward vortex.

The first incident happened after she started partying with our friend the DJ from the dirty buck. We drove to his place after a night out of playing pool but even he started noticing her ways. He pulled me aside and told me to stay and let her leave but it didn’t feel right. So without my license and admittedly in no state to drive her car, i decided to take her home. On the highway she asked me if it was okay if she did a bump and did coke off the back of a CD case, the entire time my hands white knuckled on the steering wheel.

After that it was time after time, kristin began making bad decisions. She started sleeping with the owner of the Buck, as was most of the strippers back then. He made my skin crawl.

Krisin had convinced me to go back to his mansion one night where once again she got too drunk to function and passed out in his bed. By this time in their so called relationship he wanted her gone. Everytime we tried to wake her, she would stubbornly roll over and say she wasnt leaving. He told me the only way we could all stay over was if we all “shared his bed’ that night. I dialed the Djs number soon after that to come get me.

I began to pull away from Kristin, it wasnt necessarily hard as she was couch surfing through some of her customers and partied every other night that i didn’t see her much. When i finally got the courage to leave the buck, i found myself at another dumpy strip club, the mate. It was in a bad part of town but at least this time i could start over without her tied to me like an anchor.

When she learned of where i was working, she decided to come surprise me. In the worst way possible.

By now she had moved on from the owner of the club to the dirties biker she could find. His names was Jamie, the scum of the food chain. He was married to a giant of a woman who looked like she could eat me alive. The best part? She had a rep for fighting dancers. To me it seemed Kristin had a death wish.

The day she walked into the mate, my heart sank. She wasnt alone. She had brought Jamie.

I plastered a fake smile on my face and sat down with them for a few drinks. When she asked me if i would come with them to a party, i tried my best to politely decline.

“I cant leave now, i havent done my four hours,” i lied. She got up from the table and walked into the DJ booth in pure Kristin fashion and more or less told thé DJ i was leaving. The DJ announced to her that i could leave anytime.

“Lets go! You’re going to have so much fun.” She promised and once again i found myself trapped by Kristin. I didn’t have much of a backbone back then…

Jamie was happier than a pig in shit which worried me. I always tried to give him a wide berth when i was working but he always found ways of being near me.

After we all got into his car and he started to drive, Kristin turned up the music and drapped herself all over him. It didn’t take long before she unzipped his jeans and began to give him head in the front seat. I turned my face away. Jamie reached beind him and trailed his hand along my tigh. I pushed myself as close to the door as i could while tucking my legs underneath me in an effort to be out of his reach.

We drove, what seemed like agonizing hours for me, until we were out of the city and onto a dark road. I had no idea where we were and whenever i asked, Kristin would always Reply, “you’ll see.”

Then when we arrived, Jamie declared we were at the Clubhouse. The clubhouse was owned by a popular biker gang i need not explain.

It was exactly what you would assume a biker run clubhouse to look like. rough around the edges with 24 hour camera surveillanc, gates and a watchman in the house. A giant flat screen TV in the living room monitired all outside commontion.

Inside the clubhouse there were rows upon rows of long tables where i guessed they had their meetings. A bar was set up in one corner and in the other a stripper poll. Kristin danced her way towards the pool tables challenging Jamie to a game. Besides us, the only other person there was the watchman. He offered me a drink and i sat down at one of the tables, still unbelieving where I was.

The night went without trouble, kristin stripped down to her underwear and made out with jamie on one of the pool tables while i awkwardly sipped my drink and made small talk with the gaurd.

After we left, jamie dropped Kristin off first and told her he would drive me home. Before i could protest Kristin decided that was a good idea, she was too smashed and needed to go to bed. I winced as she waved goodbye to me and closed the door shut, leaving me sitting in the passenger seat alone with Jamie. After he drove for a bit he pulled over on the side of the road and once again i pushed myself up against the door as close as i could. He reached over and rubbed my arm, complimenting me and i just smiled in return.

Looking rough myself, circa stripper days.

“Its late, im really tired jamie, i have to go home.” I said.

“I understand. Why dont you just give me a quick kiss?”

I stared back at him, trying to hide my disgust. His long unruly beard covered his mouth where some of his teeth were missing. Now that I was this close to him he smelled like cigarettes and scum.

” I cant do that to Kristin.”

“She doesnt mind.” He replied.

In an effort to talk my way out of him trying to get me to lay down in the grass with him, i managed to make it seem like i was waiting for a better opportunity for us to be together. I was scared but my innocent girl image actually saved me. He agreed and told me i was too nice a girl for that.

Now

When i got home, i took a good look at myself in the mirror and made myself a promise to never get invovled with kristin again. It wasnt until after i cut her out of my life that i heard through the grapevine she was spreading rumors that my father raped me, that i was a closet slut and i thought i was too good for everyone. Not only this but i learned she had been stealing from me when ever she came over.

I guess that was just the price i had to pay.

Sometimes i think I will die of a broken heart. It’s a pain so great its like a brick has been placed where my heart should be. I swore to myself that love was something i would never fall for but now here i am. Love sick but alone, like my whole world is shattering to pieces slowly in front of me. I wake every morning hoping the pain will hurt a little less but it doesn’t. Its still as heavy as it was yesterday. I know this is no good for me, I should be able to walk away but i just cant bring myself to and that is whats scares me. I’m heart broken and it hasnt even happened yet.

I wish you knew that everyday you cross my mind.

At first it was painful but I learned to let the feelings wash over me because the more I suppress them, the more it hurts.

I don’t really know when we will be okay… if ever. I think we have hurt each other so much that we can’t go back, instead we just have to start over. But what I fear is that we don’t know how to.

I’m scared one day it’s going to be too late. I messed up but not only did I but you did too. I’m waiting for you to accept that and move forward. But it seems like waiting for rain in a drought is more promising.

I wish you knew that I love you the same as I did back then. That when you promised me nothing would ever change between us, that I believed it wholeheartedly. That I clung to that thought so long, it kept me above water. Now I can only hope that you will remember again what you told me.

Because I feel like I am slowly sinking.