just rumors

I used to be ashamed about my past as a Stripper.

When word got out I was dancing I heard a lot of things I didn’t even know about myself…

“oh that run away girl with daddy issues, I heard she started dancing just to spite him?”

“What a slut, look at the way she dresses. Shes always looking for attention from men. She’s not even pretty.”

“If you hang out with her you’ll get in trouble.”

“I heard she got a botched boob job…”

“She’s sleeping around with everyone! Talk about a slut. I think she even got knocked up and doesn’t know who the father is.”

These were among some of the poisonous tales I heard once I left home. I would bite my tongue, I was better than lashing out at rumors and letting them get to me, right? I knew who I was and that was the most important. So I turned my back to the naysayers and decided that I didn’t need it in my life.

But truth be told… it hurt.

I’m sensitive by nature which in fact made working in a strip club an impossible thing to get used to. You are constantly at the mercy of someone else’s rejection. And already for most of my life I felt rejected.

I needed to remind myself that no matter what you do in life someone will always have something bad to say about it. So why hide who you really are?.


I tried not to let stripping define me. When I was recently introduced to a new friend of a friend she exclaimed, “Oh you’re Ashley the stripper!” I sighed, rolling my eyes.

Being in the sex industry made me realize that people aren’t exactly what you assume. I’ve met some really good girls that were dancing for the sheer fact that she had no other choice. That in itself is one of the most important lessons I learned.

Perhaps in a way writing this blog has helped me come closer to terms with who I am. I don’t think we ever really figure that out and that’s the beauty of life, you’re always discovering new things about yourself.

Even if they are just rumors …





2 thoughts on “just rumors

  1. It was hard to leave, even harder to explain to employers what I had been doing for 11 years… but there was nothing like the feeling like I was in control…. and I could be whoever I wanted to be. at 115 lbs and rock hard body (at the time) I used it to my advantage, and I was judged for it… a lot…. but little did they know was that every night I went home to my son and my cat in my apartment, not home with customers or out to do drugs. Eventually it became something I hated..same faces every night.. except for the stage where i would Jam out to my music of choice and totally lose myself in the “art”.

    Liked by 1 person

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