when she left

 I don’t know why but this post always seems to come out wrong. Im never satisfied with the way i tell it and I must have written it over about a dozen times by now. I feel like i just cant give it justice.

In short its the day i changed everything in my life. And broke my fathers heart.

To this day I am still living with the consequences of this decision. My father is a stubborn man. SO unfortunately, I hold the tiniest sliver of regret.

The day I left home, I didn’t have a plan. In fact it was a spur of the moment decision i made When I was 17. I had only $45 dollars in my pocket and 3 bags of my belongings. I did Have a place to stay for a short bit, in a friends basement apartment but I didn’t have a job or even working experience for that matter. And i would need one fast.

While I packed my bags my step-mother hovered over me with a Poisonous tongue but for once in my life I blocked out her hurtful words. I shoved past her out of my room, never even thinking twice about the fact that it would be the last time I would ever be able to see my childhood room again.

AT the bottom of the stairs stood my father. The crease in his forehead was sharp enough to cut stone and the look in his eyes was even worse. However, it wasn’t that he was angry, he looked exhausted and heartbroken which in my opinion hurts more.

“Ashley, tread carefully, “he said once I reached the bottom. “If you leave home, you will never be able to come back.”

I believed him with every fiber of my being and so I walked past him and stepped out my front door, turning my back on the man who had once been everything to me.

When I got to my new place, it felt suddenly so real. I knew I had to do this for me and I could never go back, no matter what

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me: now

.

I remember crying myself to sleep that night because finally, it was all over. 

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